The First Year is Over
I saw the text, but I was having a breakfast date with a sweet friend and I didn't want to respond to her right now. Two minutes, my phone rings. It's her. She is persistent today. She can leave a voicemail. She does. Out of sheer curiosity I listened to see what was so urgent.
"Call me immediately!" she said.
What could possibly be so important that I need to call her immediately?
So, I call. Part of me will always wish I had not, but now I know I had to eventually.
"Are you sitting down? Are you alone or is David with you?" she asked.
"What is going on?" I ask.
"Mom's gone." she said.
Did I just hear her correctly? Of course, I did. You can't not hear that correctly. The phone call you always expect but never want to receive.
On her way to breakfast that morning, Mom had said she was not feeling well and asked her nurse to take her back to her room so she could lie down for a while. Two breaths. That's all it took. She was gone. Quietly. No one around but her nurse. No more gasping for breath. No more fuzzy memory issues. No more chest pain. No more fretting over Daddy. It was all finished.
Mom had left this world behind and gone to her eternal home, at the feet of Jesus, her Savior. She would now be praising Him forever.
It has been a year since that day, and I still am not sure how to process the reality of not having a mother on this earth. Some days it never crosses my mind, but then there are those days where just the thought that she is no longer here overwhelms me to the point I can hardly breathe. The least little thing can remind me of her. Sometimes it is just a few tears, but other times it is total heartache. I still do not know how to do this. How long does this grieving process last? I have been told that everyone grieves in their own way. So, I guess for me it is going to take a long time.
All the "firsts" are behind me: first Mother's Day, my first birthday without her, her first birthday and I can not call her, the first Thanksgiving and Christmas. And now the first anniversary of that awful day. I still can not bring myself to say "the day she died." Those words just get stuck every time I try to say them.
Honestly, I still do not like this new reality. I know she is better now than she has ever been, in heaven with a loving heavenly Father who makes all things new. And I really would not want for her to return to the pains this earth held for her. So, I am being totally selfish wanting her to still be here, here for me, here for my children to get to know her more, here for Daddy, here for my sisters. So I am going to have to accept this reality and move on with life. Thank the Lord He is there to move on with me.
He is the God of all comfort. He will wipe every tear from our eyes. He is just and holy. His will is always perfect and best.
"Call me immediately!" she said.
What could possibly be so important that I need to call her immediately?
So, I call. Part of me will always wish I had not, but now I know I had to eventually.
"Are you sitting down? Are you alone or is David with you?" she asked.
"What is going on?" I ask.
"Mom's gone." she said.
Did I just hear her correctly? Of course, I did. You can't not hear that correctly. The phone call you always expect but never want to receive.
On her way to breakfast that morning, Mom had said she was not feeling well and asked her nurse to take her back to her room so she could lie down for a while. Two breaths. That's all it took. She was gone. Quietly. No one around but her nurse. No more gasping for breath. No more fuzzy memory issues. No more chest pain. No more fretting over Daddy. It was all finished.
Mom had left this world behind and gone to her eternal home, at the feet of Jesus, her Savior. She would now be praising Him forever.
It has been a year since that day, and I still am not sure how to process the reality of not having a mother on this earth. Some days it never crosses my mind, but then there are those days where just the thought that she is no longer here overwhelms me to the point I can hardly breathe. The least little thing can remind me of her. Sometimes it is just a few tears, but other times it is total heartache. I still do not know how to do this. How long does this grieving process last? I have been told that everyone grieves in their own way. So, I guess for me it is going to take a long time.
All the "firsts" are behind me: first Mother's Day, my first birthday without her, her first birthday and I can not call her, the first Thanksgiving and Christmas. And now the first anniversary of that awful day. I still can not bring myself to say "the day she died." Those words just get stuck every time I try to say them.
Honestly, I still do not like this new reality. I know she is better now than she has ever been, in heaven with a loving heavenly Father who makes all things new. And I really would not want for her to return to the pains this earth held for her. So, I am being totally selfish wanting her to still be here, here for me, here for my children to get to know her more, here for Daddy, here for my sisters. So I am going to have to accept this reality and move on with life. Thank the Lord He is there to move on with me.
He is the God of all comfort. He will wipe every tear from our eyes. He is just and holy. His will is always perfect and best.
Comments
Post a Comment